The Visionary Photographer?

Dear Jill

This missive offers a conclusion to your journey , although it is not an end at all.

This is a summary and a reflection of how you arrived to the point you are at now.

Your compass fluctuates but now you see where each direction leads to and to who. A genre of phototherapy best describes your work, but manipulation of an image reflects how you have been manipulated in life. Investigating truths and emerging lies show the layers of understanding and discoveries that have impacted on your mental health.

You think now about the words of a song you connected to in adolescence. ‘I am a Rock’ , Simon and Garfunkal, optimised your then self, speaking as though they were your words. Your loneliness amongst a group, masking and feigning understanding to merge into the background to avoid discovery. Mirroring, adopting mannerisms and phrases that became your own to the point you dissolved and became a functional model of a human being in the company of others..

The song, by its very existence, enabled you to realise that you were not alone after all.

To call yourself the ‘identity’ of others has given you bridges, but at what cost Jill?

The concept of belonging and establishing connections to contextualise yourself has enabled, and also disabled you in terms of managing the dynamic nature of a group psychology (Ref). We cannot be all things.

Therefore, you have now chosen to be who you are…

It began with a fight for an understanding, an assessment and a possible diagnosis, to validate that confusing existence you have struggled with your whole life, and it came. You ARE autistic.

Your way of processing and managing has always been to navigate to the visual image. Photography offered that love of the technical with the room to expand, experiment and challenge yourself.

It’s okay to post this at the moment. Long covid sucks. Celebrate the moments when your focus is back, your energy returns and you can take those short closed eyes rests without guilt. There’s always another chapter….